With undying admiration and respect for writer and illustrator Edward Gorey and his masterful Gashlycrumb Tinies, I offer my take on an alarmingly appalling, abhorrent, abominable, and occasionally apparitional alphabet. Happy Halloween Heddels reader, and Feliz Dia de los Muertos!
A is for Aniline, a leather oh so cool.
B is for the boots made from, too fine for the feet of Zuul.
C is for Cone Mills, a mill of warp and weft.
D is for their Denim, 14oz my preferred heft
E is for Evisu, Japan’s brand with spunk and sass.
F is for the Fancy way they decorate my ass.
G is for Ghouls, once living but now ghosts.
H is for Heddels, the earthly thing they miss the most.
I is for Indigo, the dye within my slub.
J is for the Jam I’m in, their soak just stained my tub!
K is Kleptos, from one-to-ten I hate them 11.
L is for Levi’s, hands off my Forty-Sevens!
M is for Mars and their creatures that attack.
N is for Nosferatu, by far the best of Dracs.
O is for Ouija, boards that can be cruel and mean.
P is for, Please, let it tell me, “Buy more jeans!”
Q is for Quaking, in my boots with pain that sears.
R is for Red Wings, bought too small is what I fear.
S is for Selvedge, that red line we all adore.
T if for the price Tag–no really, they cost how much more?
U is for Undertaker, the guy who preps the dead.
V is for Vibram, a sturdy rubber tread.
W is for Witches, ideally crushed by homes.
X is for X-Ray, let’s see her busted bones!
Y is for YKK, the best zipper we all agree.
And Z is for Zombies–are you sick of them, or is it just me?