Shoutout Yuketen for staying on some serious DGAF vibes with this one. It’s like they engineered a science baby between the Paraboot Michael and a Doc Martin, then gave that science baby a one-piece vamp and also named it Michael.

The results are a worthy entrant into the Ugly Shoe Fray, but one that could actually handle the perils of winter sidewalk conditions and a company holiday party. After all, ugly shouldn’t be confined to one arena.

Otherwise, it’s benchmade entirely by hand with a full-grain leather upper in Mexico, and it features the standard Yuketen fare, like a steel shank for stability, a mocc toe, hand-stitching and a Vibram sole—this time the Morflex.

Does the price tag push four figures? You bet it does. But that’s what science costs. 

Available at Unionmade Goods for $828.