Allen Edmonds x Three Kings Tattoo = No

I’m not going to pretend to be an expert on boots and I’m not going to pretend to be an expert on tattoos, but I’m also not going to pretend like those things go together. I mean, you can tattoo a boot—as Allen Edmonds did with their Three Kings boot—but know that there was absolutely no reason to do so.

Are these still made in Port Washington, Wisconsin? Yes, they are. Are they still perfectly good in the winter time? Probably. Do they come outfitted with all the trappings that a “rugged lace-up boot inspired by American loggers” should have? I assume so. But they also have a tattoo on the side of them. 

Know that this isn’t an effort to disparage boots or tattoos. I own boots and have a tattoo. It’s just that putting a tattoo on a boot is kind of like gluing wings on the doors of a Prius—it looks weird.

So if you enjoy ruining perfectly ok things, these could be for you. If not, Allen Edmonds offers plenty of other boots and pretty much your entire body can handle tattoos. Do that instead.

They’re available at Allen Edmonds in Black and Brown for $445. It’s your money.